Bismillah

I’m going to whine, okay? This won’t make sense to you, but that’s okay. Just let me spout, k?

My hips hurt. I stopped doing yoga at the beginning of Ramadan, and I feel the difference. I eat too much sugar now (should I just throw all those Eid cookies away?) and I am bloated – retaining way too much water. (Like you really wanted to know that, but hey! At least I wasn’t even more personal, you know?)

I miss my husband and I am upset about our current situation which he could help if he wanted to, but he doesn’t want to. It burns me because I totally understand his point of view. But I still don’t like it.

I’m tired – not sleeping well and I’m stressed and sad.

The peace is comfortable, no doubt, but I just want something nice, something normal, something encouraging, something happy. And I don’t think it’s going to happen. At least not soon.

So forgive me. I need Qur’an. I need exercise and I need some joy. I need art. And rest. And I’d love to know that the western world (my home) hasn’t gone nuts. Except is has. Therefore it’s not my home anymore and that also makes me sad.

Sometimes I just want to strap on the old niqab and run away. But to where? Ya, Rabb!

I hope I can run to Jennah, but not at this slowpoke, whiney pace.

I need to buck-up and remember that I’m a stranger, right? It’s just that strangers get lost in strange places, and ask people for directions.

And I’ve found that the people I trusted set up lethal roadblocks of pain and difficulty.

And my old homies, they’re trying to burn my map, my Qur’an!